Farewell the Competitor
Eliminating Success and Failure
Essay by Pauline Douglas
Effective relationships are those that are free of dominating tactics, and this article outlines how “Competition” can work against achievement by damaging the relationship with our self and others.
Success > Failure = Right < Wrong.
Our modern world of prosperity thrives on competition. It is the backbone of most academic, business and sporting achievements, so it may come as a surprise to learn that the personality type “The Competitor” sits within the ten (10) most dominating and destructive styles of communication.
Most modern humans engage in an element of competition, by conducting their lives to an internalized status structure that places themselves and others somewhere upon the ladder of success and failure, right or wrong.
Competition is Not Winning
Winning is exciting ~ it activates intoxicating “feel good” chemicals naturally produced within our body, that are so potent that they are as addictive as any other recreational drug, which is why many get caught up on the Success Bug.
The Competitor however has an exaggerated relationship with success and failure resulting in an emotional life consisting of tumultuous ups and downs. A dire need to be the best, the Competitors life switches erratically between the exhilaration of winning and the devastation of losing.
Competition and Status
Competitors fix their sights upon a prestige status perceived higher or better than their present station, with an often contemptuous or pitiful attitude for those considered on a lesser rung. Competitors judge themselves and others on their intelligence, their achievements, their honesty, their dress, their wealth, their education, their culture and many other value structures. They feel satisfied and secure when they "get things right".
The competitor’s reality is self-importance, they are the King or Queen of their own Domain and any challenge to their value structure will be met with a mighty display of contest and competition, destroying more than attracting relationships.
The Competitor as a Leader, will not only demand excellence of themselves, but will more often than not, apply their personal expectations upon others, with that “Meat Clever Over The Head” attitude that tends to come with this trait. i.e. failure is not an option.
Competition Never Wins.
Competitors in truth never consider themselves to be successful, even if their achievements are impressive. There is always a better, righter or more successful way to be. Many who suddenly find themselves “A Loser” as a result of relationship, business or financial losses, remain trapped in the vortex of competition, through the paralysis of self-judgements of worthlessness and failure.
The lesson of The Competitor is that:
There is no such thing as success or failure – there is only consequence to action.
- Action = results
- No action = results
Competitors dwell in the world of “Expectation”.
Expectation, like Need, is an unconscious way of being, that repels instead of attracting what we desire, and will always end in a negative emotional reaction.
When we live by the philosophy of Success and Failure we experience the emotional catastrophes of failure, that can leave a devastating impact on our health and relationships …
A more powerful option to being a Competitor is to become an “Opportunist”
Instead of living by Failure and Success, try living by “Opportunity” e.g.
- “There is an opportunity to increase my performance by taking the following action”
- “There is an opportunity to win the game through the following action”
- “There is an opportunity to achieve that deadline through the following action”
- “There is an opportunity to improve this relationship through the following action”
Another opportunity! ~ but certainly not failure.
Opportunists Never Lose!
Well think about it!